I spoke with widows, newlyweds, monogamists, secret liaison seekers, submissives and polyamorists and found there was no such thing as desire too high or low. Male desire is a familiar story. We scarcely bat an eyelash at its power or insistence. Inas experts weighed the moral and medical implications of the first female libido drugI found myself unsatisfied with the myths of excess and deficit on offer, and set out to understand how women themselves perceive and experience their passions. Over the course of five years, I talked with women and dozens of sexual health professionals. My reporting took me from coast to coast, and spanned conversations from a year-old convinced she was sexually damaged to a year-old learning how to orgasm.
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Around might be love. There might be commitment. There might be a concrete friendship at its core. Worth it — but hard. Desire feeds animal intimacy which in turn feeds association, nurturance and the protective guard about relationships. Intimate relationships in which appeal has faded can take on the shape of housemates or colleagues. Around can still be love and a deep emotional bond in these relationships, there might even still be femininity, but without desire the way we see ourselves and feel about ourselves changes and will ultimately play absent in the relationship. Understanding the character of desire is key to accomplishment it back. The intensity of appeal in relationships will ebb and arise.