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Most of the time, we try to avoid inflicting pain on others — when we do hurt someone, we typically experience guilt, remorse, or other feelings of distress. But for some, cruelty can be pleasurable, even exciting. New research suggests that this kind of everyday sadism is real and more common than we might think. Two studies led by psychological scientist Erin Buckels of the University of British Columbia revealed that people who score high on a measure of sadism seem to derive pleasure from behaviors that hurt others, and are even willing to expend extra effort to make someone else suffer. The new findings are published in Psychological Sciencea journal of the Association for Psychological Science. To test their hypothesis, they decided to examine everyday sadism under controlled laboratory conditions. Participants who chose bug killing were shown the bug-crunching machine: a modified coffee grinder that produced a distinct crunching sound so as to maximize the gruesomeness of the task. Of the 71 participants,

Are you a people pleaser? I was! In fact, growing up, I majored in pleasing others. So I worked at being indispensable. My pattern of over-giving had great benefits—or so I thought.

People-pleasing might not sound all that abysmal. But people-pleasing generally goes beyond austere kindness. You might go out of your way to do things designed for the people in your life, based on what you assume they absence or need. You give up your time and energy to get them to like you. Myers says this is how people-pleasing can cause agitate. People pleasers often deal with at a low level self-esteem and draw their self-worth as of the approval of others. People pleasers often spend a lot of age worrying about rejection. You might additionally have a strong desire to be needed, believing that you have a better chance of receiving affection as of people who need you.

I used to think that being benevolent, gentle, and agreeable was guaranteed en route for win me love and acceptance as of others. I lived my life all the time avoiding anything that might make me look like a bad, imperfect, aggressive, or unlikeable person. Because as all people-pleaser knows, being disliked or disapproved of feels worse than ignoring your own feelings—at least at first. A few people were easy to please; a kind gesture or smile was altogether it would take.

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